Not Just Clean Hands, But Pure Hearts Also

I have been focused the past few days on repentance.  I have learned that there is a difference in outwardly repenting of a sin vs. a change of heart.  While the outward, external signs of repentance are good, they may not be quite good enough.  They may not always reveal a changed heart.  I have learned that if I have made some changes (repented outwardly) and are still plagued with feelings of unworthiness and emptiness, I probably need to consider a course of action that will cleanse my heart. 

I have always been confused about the scripture that refers to the "uncircumcised of heart."  What did this mean?  I have finally learned what it means to have a circumcised heart.  The following paragraph sums it up:

"A cirumcised heart is one that has been revealed, softened and made tender and sensitive by the removal of sin.  How can we circumcise our own heart?  WE can't.  Only God has the skill and patience and steady hand needed to do this kind of delicate heart surgery.  All WE can do is present our heart to Him, naked and broken, in absolute honesty, and be willing to have Him repair it.  We must be willing to face our shame, guilt and fear at being so totally exposed."

Step 4 in the Addiction Recovery program is to make a searching and fearless written inventory of our past in order to thoroughly examine ourselves as to our pride and other weaknesses with the intent of recognizing our own carnal state and our need for Christ's Atonement.  This step, just like all the rest, will not be accomplished this time round in my attendance of the APR meetings.  Although I haven't come anywhere even close to making a complete, written inventory of my past, I have given some thought to the spiritual root of some of my outward behaviors that have caused me to withdraw from the Savior.  The negative actions I perform are symptoms of an underlying problem.  When I take a closer look and examine the feelings or negative emotions that my sin has caused, I learn a few important things. 

For example, if I think about the negative emotions that are associated with my sin of deliberately turning away from Heavenly Father, by not saying my prayers, not attending church, being critical of leaders etc., the negative emotions that I feel are guilt, fear and anger.  When I look at those negative emotions, I can see clearly a couple of things about myself.  Firstly, because I feel fear, this teaches me that I am a person that has a real faith deficit.  Oddly enough, my life is filled with fear.  It's no wonder that my partriartical blessing focuses so much on developing faith.  If I feel guilt associated with my sin, this teaches me that I am a person with a tendacy to refuse the Atonement of Christ in my own behalf.  If I were to experience resentment, anger or bitterness, I learn that I reject the Atonement of Christ for others.  It is these "spiritual roots" that I need to repent of in order to help purify my heart.  It is the spiritual roots that cause me to withdraw from my Savior and stay far away from Him.